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Searching for Home

A journal entry of short poems and thoughts

Photo credit: Photo by The New York Public Library on Unsplash

by Anai Akuei

19 NOVEMBER 2020

No title

They say my mother was born in '65 

Not even she can tell me if is true 

No one has the proof

No wrinkles to measure

The bags under her eyes can only account for how much she’s been tried and the tears she’s held in this lifetime. 

Letter to self

Jaam ten xen.

Puoc xen ba yin ben nhiar

Rin xen ci nhom mar, tek ee ke kang ngich

Rin kene ka yin awiech baa pal piny.

A ca wiec ku ba rot loy cit kuoch . . .

Ku yin awiech.

[written in Dinka Rek]

[translated to English]

Speak to me

Teach me how to love you again

Because I forgot, or maybe I never knew

And for that I apologize to you.

But I can no longer pretend . . .

It is you that I crave the most.

No title

Yin nyiec lan yien nga

Wo chiet nge ke menhkeenne

Yiin eya, ping chot baz

Kuka chiet ke thiok

[written in Dinka Bor]

 

[translated to English]

I know who you are.

We are like siblings

You too hear Khartoum calling

And it seems so near . . .

but we never make it there

Element

The perfect mix of breath, soil and light

I’ll meet you in the next life, with your permission

A shining moment, a best decision

Although we make bad decisions

A taste of heaven, only god could simulate such a presence

To put a name on such a feeling

would be only be restricting

 

Thank you for bringing my soul home

and filling me with what we know as love.

A Theory

 

What a talent life is.

All that is seized, is given to another.

If only we could just be . . .

 

Would Earth be named Heaven?

 

I’ve tried countless times to imagine a true world as such,

But I cannot create what I have not seen.

This is all I know.

And what I know is, I am here.

 

I must pay rent for this body

So my soul may have a place to rest

I can chose to make it a home

With every oil that preserves this skin

With every drop of sun, water and energy that keeps all of it running.

I can provide for it words, mirrors, bread and honey

So that she will come to THIS body when she is hungry. 

So that my soul is welcomed here

When she needs replenishment

From all that I’ll she has given away in the day

And the days to come.

What a talent life is.

If only we could just be.

ABOUT ANAI

Anai Akuei (she/her) is a South Sudanese vocalist, poet, and model currently based in Chicago. She revisits the truths that she has never questioned in an effort to find home within herself. Anai's first single, "Tongue Tied" featuring Blank Face Villain & Blake Davis, is out now on all platforms. 

 

Follow the Sudani Tsunami on InstagramTwitter to see what waves she's making.